As you can tell, Vanessa didn't show up. We are through. Over. Done. For good. I didn't feel like being embarrassed infront of my family, so I thought of not going. I was just gonna stay home and cry my fucking eyes out and drown in my own misery. But I haven't seen my whole family in like two years. The obligation compelled me to put on clothes and take the two hour trip to see them. So, I went, knowing that nothing more fucked up could happen to me.
And during my trip, I tried to come up with rational and irrational reasons for why Vanessa didn't show. Or maybe she was planning this surprise. To string me along. As if shed knew how to make me tick...and would make up for it later. I then cracked a smile out of sheer desperation. Anything. Any little sliver of hope would do.
I walk in the door. Immediately greeted by family who had put down their plates and drinks to give a hug or a high five. I smiled, and return the gestures. But this was no lifetime movie. No perfect story. No Hallmark moment. I searched the whole house, thinking of places she could hide. I looked for someone who just wasn't there. So then came reality. There wasn't gonna be a reunion. Of us. And for whatever reason it was, she just wasn't coming. I ate. I didn't eat out of moderation. Or tradition. Or for social gestures. I ate because it was my only escape. My refuge. And its the one thing on thanksgiving that NO ONE could take away from me.
Its visible; I'm miserable. And I have to fucking puke.
HAPPY FUCKING THANKSGIVING!!
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Recent entries:
- - 2019-04-28
- - 2019-04-28
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Smile - 2018-03-20
Not all heroes wear capes - 2018-02-25
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