Good morning love,
This morning, like any other wonderful morning, I'm blessed to have been spared another day. This mornings dream was a bit foggy to remember. But always, it was about us. That's all that really matters to me. All I can really remember is that we were kissing in the rain under the orchid tree. Remember that tree? That's where I first met you. And that's where our first date was. And that's there I proposed to you. That tree really has a lot of memories that I hold close to my heart. Like a three year old girl having her favorite teddy bear clasped tight to her chest when she's sleeping. Right above her heart. Because that's the only significant thing that she cherishes. I hold you close to my heart like that as well. For two years, you've been my teddy bear. My shinning star. My reason for waking up in the morning. It could be for lacrosse. Or for the late night parties. But being the first to say "good morning", kiss you a million times and see you smile at me has to be the greatest thing I could ever achieve in my life. As if that is the greatest moment I was made for.
Although my love for you is spilling over the brim, I feel this suttle empty pit growning inside of me. I need you here physically. Not just for the warm smiles. Not for the sincere hugs. Not for the sporadic funny faces and your dr. phil advice. Nor for the greatest sex ever; but for the physical and moral support. I need to feel you here in my arms. If I could have it my way, you would've never left. You would've said "OK". You would've always been a moments notice away. But for some reason, you needed space. Space from the normal stress. Space from the below par job. Space from the broken family. Space from the smothering boyfriend? Have I really been robbing you of light? Have I really been holding on to you like a hoarder holds on to twenty year old newspaper scrappings? Has my foul mouth and constant use of the word "fuck" caused you to run away and join a side show barnum and bailey circus? As the living girl with no heart? Are they offering a reward for the person who finds it? Cause I've had it here conjoined with mine all along. I don't want the five grand reward. Or a key to the city. Or praise and recognition. I just want you. All of you. With me.
But until then, I'll send my undying love through these letters. You never left me an address to mail you things. So like the previous eighteen letters I've sent you before this one, I'll send it through the airwaves and hope to god it finds you. And you realize that you mean the world to me and that I want you back in my life. Where you've always belonged.
Always Yours,
-J
4:17 a.m. - 2010-03-07
Recent entries:
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