Jamaal didn't make it to his appointment today. I called the number to his parents house and they directed me to the location of his new apartment downtown. On my way to another engagement, I passed my his apartment to check up on him, thinking it was a comfortability issue. I wasn't ready for what I was about to witness.
Approaching his door, there was a foul odor in the air. It smelled like raw sewage, spoiled food and womens perfume. The door was halfway open, inviting me to come in. It felt as if I walked into the middle of a tornado. His apartment was completely torn apart. Books, furniture, broken glass, and debris was everywhere, blanketing the floors. His windows were busted through and there were gaping holes in the walls. I began to look around the apartment, trying to find Jamaal. I found him lying lifelessly face down on the kitchen floor with a razor blade in his right hand. There's blood coming from his left arm, engraved "vindicated". I pulled out my cell phone and called 911, searching for the medication bottles I perscribed him for the paremedics. I found none, just alcohol bottles and pain killers. Obvious signs of an intended overdose. Frantic, I ran back to Jamaal to check for a pulse. It was very faint and his skin was moist and clammy. He eyes were wide open, dead set on starring at something. I wasn't sure if he was conscious or not, but he seemed to be smiling. The paramedics arrived on scene rather quick, thank god. They administered him iv therapy on the spot and game him an adrenaline shot to speed up his heart rate. I called his parents and told them what happened and for them to meet me at the hospital. Personally, I didn't think he was going to make it through this one...you can only cheat death so many times.
I can't help but feel like I failed him. Like I didn't do enough while he was in my care to help him. To guide him better in the right way. Maybe if I had listened to him, he wouldn't be like this. Maybe he really wasn't ready to leave. Maybe he knew this would happen.
On the way to the hospital, I'm told Jamaal's body gave out and he was pronounced dead on April 25th at 4:39 pm. Instantly, the world seems less bright as one of its promising stars is no longer with us.
My heart goes out to all who ever had the oppertunity of meeting him.
2:53 a.m. - 2010-07-16
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