I read your diaryland entry, saying that you need me and that I would never know home much I mean to you. Also, you say you want to hear something that�s true?
I LOVE YOU!
I lay in bed every night, imagining how my life would be if you were there lying with me. I can almost imagine how you smell. Taste. Smile. Laugh. Giggle. I can imagine your elvis grin on your face when I tell you corny jokes. Ah, that elvis grin. The grin that I�ve been waiting far too long to see. The grin that I would give anything to witness. I love you, and if this is what desperate means, then take my picture and replace it with the definition. My world crumbles when I hear your voice every night because you aren�t here to hold me. And then, with three words, you reassure me that everything is going to be okay and you rebuild my world back up again.
I am so unbearably lonely, I am not sure I can take it anymore. I know we have to wait 17 more days, but I am growing more impatient by the day. I just want to kiss you and have quiet talks...and whisper �I love you's" and share warm giggles...and passionate stares. I want heavy breathing, gentle touches, and I just want to feel you running their fingers slowly and lightly across my arm or my back. I just want to play with your hair and watch you sleep. I just want you, here. I want you, here with me, in my arms; tonight. Always.
I fear that something might get in the way. Although we�ve planned this and planned this many times. And I know I bring this up quite often and I know it puts you in an awkward situation, but I�m only stressing the severity. I�d be super disappointed if we plan out this time and it falls through. Not to say that I'd leave this relationship, but I just might stop trying. I know you would give everything if you could, but sometimes it is just not enough to be told the words "everything will be okay". Can I just break down and fall into your arms...even if only for a second? I just wish there was something I could do to prevent this feeling. This fear of emptiness. This unknown possible road block. If I could have it my way, I�d drop everything and would be on an airplane to you within the hour. But I can�t.
Unfortunately because of circumstance. But its circumstance that I want us to try to avoid. I want us together and not have to worry about what people say. Or how they feel. Or what they might do. I want you to feel comfortable around me and know that I would do anything in the name of love to know that you are happy and that you have everything that you want or need.
So, today, I�ll sit in a stuffy office under high beam lights in the beginning of November, thinking of you. Wishing you could surprise me and wrap your arms around me tightly. Wishing you could tell me that everything is going to be okay. Wishing I could be as close to you as that necklace you always wear. Close to your heart to never be replaced. Wishing that this will be the last time I�m ever away from you.
Will today be the day I can come home? Will I hear your voice in person today? I hope so.
12:59 p.m. - 2010-11-08
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