Living with Jennifer is making me feel like im 4 years old again.
I got the same feeling when I lived with my dad, and when I occasionally go and visit him, staying the weekend. I feel that there's police "do not cross" tape everywhere and if I touch something, its going to break. If I sneeze, its too loud. If I talk, it will echo and upset him. If I breathed, he'd know. If I stayed up, he'd spazz out and tell me to go to my (his spare) room. Nothing ever pleases him...
Same with Jennifer. Maybe because she doesn't have kids, that she isn't a very warm, considerate woman. Oddly enough, she looks to me as her son. I feel like no matter how justified I am, everything I do is wrong. And even if I'm right, I'm wrong or I'm doing it correctly a certain way. I used to think Jennifer hated me...deeply; but now I see that she's just a perfectionist, paying attention to every detail. I'm not a person who does that and I'm far from perfect, which upsets her.
At times, I kinda feel she doesn't even want me here. I can't blame her, I don't want to be here either. I didn't ask for this. I didn't ask to be here. I had a place set, money and everything, but she told me to "hold off"....and wouldn't take no for an answer.
I feel like she took me away from the city.
I feel like she took me away from the lacrosse field.
I feel like I'm being held captive and made to work in obligation.
I feel like her slave.
...I'm trying to stay out of her way and the only way I can do that is to stay in my designated room.
7:43 p.m. - 2011-04-10
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