And there in the middle of us having sex together for the first time, Lena showed me a softer side of her last night that I've never seen before. She completely opened herself up and let me in. It was then in that exact moment, looking dead into her jet black eyes, that time stopped and I had this epiphany:
I finally know what "feelings" feel like. Like, of course I've had feelings for someone, but not in this sense. With all the other women I've been with, I always expected some quid pro quo approach, never really having committed to the relationship in full. If I didn't get anything to benefit from it, it was dead..and usually dead quick. Not with Lena. I didn't invite her over my house to have wild, mindblowing sex. I didn't invite her over my house so she could cater to my ego. Or cook. Or clean. I invited her over merely because I enjoyed her company and I missed her touch. For her to be so free flowing and loving with bias amazed me. I'm so used to being stoic, that it was a little overwhelming. I wanted her touch. Her kisses. Her love. All of which she gave.
So snapping back to reality, we made passionate love last night through early this morning and fell asleep spooning where we dropped. I felt like Eddie Murphy in Bomerang when I woke up. I got up, made her breakfast, made her some coffee, gently kissed her back and woke her up.
It was nice having that part of me that I ignored for so long be let free. It got me thinking of the much fuller life I could live if I was really honest and in tune with my feelings. Knowing what I was feeling and knowing exactly how to describe them. Opening up to someone. Caring for someone. Loving someone.
Stranger things have happened...
1:18 a.m. - 2012-11-07
Recent entries:
- - 2019-04-28
- - 2019-04-28
- - 2019-02-22
Smile - 2018-03-20
Not all heroes wear capes - 2018-02-25
My profile
Archives
Notes
Diaryland
Random
RSS
others:
Bedwarmhands
Thecity
cuntfeel
swallowthkey
unhealthyme
brokenstare
thejanechord
rhetoric
papersnow
warpednormal
strayrecluse
myheavyheart
tragicskies
samcorday
sexyatheist
collusion
aprilly
knowing
amitoopunk08
elusive-you